Finding My Faith
Faith. What is Faith? Where can you find Faith? Can you lose Faith? Is Faith real? So many questions for such a widely misunderstood topic. If you're looking for answers to all of those overwhelming questions, you can stop reading now. I don't have the answers. I only know what I've been living, what I've seen and experienced, and what I've learned from others. So here's the actual Webster dictionary definition of Faith, ": something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially : a system of religious beliefs."
So now you know what it is..well, according to a dictionary. But is it really that simple? Just find something and believe in it, it does sound simple, right? But as a Christian in today's world that can be so challenging. Where can you find Faith? Well church comes to mind. And some people say within yourself, or in your bible, or through some other outlet. Can you lose Faith? Why yes, yes you can. I don't know for sure that it's ever gone for good, but it can be suppressed to a point where it's practically non existent. Is Faith real? YES. Finding it, keeping it, and learning to let it help you, that's the part that takes work.
This is my story, my opinions, and my faith that I'm discussing. I can't speak for any of your journeys, just mine! So here goes nothing. In the good ol' "Bible Belt" of Texas, you see a LOT of churches. And I know I wasn't the only kid who got drug to church every time the doors were open. This was a one sided effort on my mom's part, my dad was never fond of the church environment. But we did it, day in and day out, for years and years. I accepted God one summer in middle school while at Church Camp, and went about my growing up. But that's just it, I grew up. I moved out, left my parent's house, got into a not so fantastic crowd and made some wrong choices. I got married at 16 and divorced at 19, and I was living the wrong lifestyle. Church, or God for that matter, was the furthest thing from my mind.
Time went on. And I think that's the biggest thing for people, at least for me it was. The longer it was from when I had been involved, believed, prayed, and worshiped the harder it felt to get back into it all. It seemed almost hypocritical honestly. I spent about 18 months working at a chain Christian bookstore here in Abilene as the Assistant Manager, and while I could hear God talking to me and working through me with all of the wonderful customers we had, it was also one of the most challenging times of my life. God's work is powerful, and when you're listening to him and letting him guide your actions, man is it a beautiful thing! But, on those same terms, when you're going against what he says and choosing to not listen, it can force struggles like you never thought possible.
Even more time went by, even more choices were made, I had even more resistance. Andy
and I were both raised to believe in God, and both knew that going into our marriage. In the beginning we did some devotionals, and would pray together, we even went to church a few times together, but that was all that was done. Life has a really funny way of keeping you so "busy" you can't seem to find the time to go, after all for 3 1/2 years we kept having new little baby after little baby, then he switched back to working in retail coming out of the oilfield, so Sundays became a work day again, and I couldn't possibly go to church alone with 3 kids...So there went more time. All the way up until now!
See how quickly that went by? That's how it felt to me too. Until a couple of weeks ago at least. I started feeling that nudge, you know that nudge, where it's just loud enough you can't really ignore it and when you do ignore it you feel like you're going against the grain? Yeah that one, well there it was reminding me of how much time had passed since I had let my Faith in. Since I had been with a church family. Since I had used my Faith for good. I started slowly opening my now, pretty much, sewn shut heart to the idea of getting back into what used to be such a strong foundation for me as a kid. That seems crazy right? I'm 25 years old and I can count on 2 hands the amount of times I've openly chosen to go to church since I've been out of my own.
So why now was God choosing to speak to me? Why now was I choosing to listen for the first time in a long time? That I can't answer, not yet at least. I know I will know why before long, but for now it's only about doing without questioning it. But maybe it's the adult in me, or maybe it's the fact that these kids we're raising are going to be looking up to us to make all of the right choices to help lead and guide them in this crazy world. But I knew I needed to go, and if for just one Sunday I went and could listen better. Then if I was wrong, I wouldn't have to go again, and if I was right, well then, I could open my eyes, ears and heart.
So where was I going to go to Church? That part was easy for me actually. This town has an overwhelming number of churches, which if you're just starting out can make you nervous. But this time was different, I already have my kids involved in a Mother's Day Out program through a local church, Mosaic Church of Abilene. Why not try it? At least I knew some of the people, and at least I knew my kids would be comfortable in the kids programs. Andy had to work this Sunday, so there it was, I had a solid plan. It seemed doable at this point, and it seemed right. My nerves almost overtook me several times. But the calling was so strong that this time that I actually listened and went through with it.
I got the kids ready, put on a dress, and grabbed my husbands bible and headed out. The smile on my face was genuine, and I could see that in my reflection. The next few hours I didn't even feel like myself. But oh, it felt good! It felt good to believe in something larger than all of this. The kids were so excited, which made me excited, and knowing several of the ladies from the MDO program really helped me feel at ease! It wasn't even 3 words into the worship music and I had tears running down both cheeks. The sermon was clear, and exactly what I needed to hear. I could feel my heart being pulled in a direction that was so obvious to me, and I could feel my stubborn self softening, and that made my heart so happy.
So as I walk through this new journey of "Finding my Faith" all over again, I'm going into it with my heart open, my eyes where they need to be, and my hands ready to work! There's testimony after testimony that tell me this has happened to many others, but has it happened to you? Have you ever lost and then found your Faith again? Any personal stories you'd like to share for encouragement along the way? Let me know! And as always, thanks for reading! 😀
So now you know what it is..well, according to a dictionary. But is it really that simple? Just find something and believe in it, it does sound simple, right? But as a Christian in today's world that can be so challenging. Where can you find Faith? Well church comes to mind. And some people say within yourself, or in your bible, or through some other outlet. Can you lose Faith? Why yes, yes you can. I don't know for sure that it's ever gone for good, but it can be suppressed to a point where it's practically non existent. Is Faith real? YES. Finding it, keeping it, and learning to let it help you, that's the part that takes work.
This is my story, my opinions, and my faith that I'm discussing. I can't speak for any of your journeys, just mine! So here goes nothing. In the good ol' "Bible Belt" of Texas, you see a LOT of churches. And I know I wasn't the only kid who got drug to church every time the doors were open. This was a one sided effort on my mom's part, my dad was never fond of the church environment. But we did it, day in and day out, for years and years. I accepted God one summer in middle school while at Church Camp, and went about my growing up. But that's just it, I grew up. I moved out, left my parent's house, got into a not so fantastic crowd and made some wrong choices. I got married at 16 and divorced at 19, and I was living the wrong lifestyle. Church, or God for that matter, was the furthest thing from my mind.Time went on. And I think that's the biggest thing for people, at least for me it was. The longer it was from when I had been involved, believed, prayed, and worshiped the harder it felt to get back into it all. It seemed almost hypocritical honestly. I spent about 18 months working at a chain Christian bookstore here in Abilene as the Assistant Manager, and while I could hear God talking to me and working through me with all of the wonderful customers we had, it was also one of the most challenging times of my life. God's work is powerful, and when you're listening to him and letting him guide your actions, man is it a beautiful thing! But, on those same terms, when you're going against what he says and choosing to not listen, it can force struggles like you never thought possible.
Even more time went by, even more choices were made, I had even more resistance. Andy
and I were both raised to believe in God, and both knew that going into our marriage. In the beginning we did some devotionals, and would pray together, we even went to church a few times together, but that was all that was done. Life has a really funny way of keeping you so "busy" you can't seem to find the time to go, after all for 3 1/2 years we kept having new little baby after little baby, then he switched back to working in retail coming out of the oilfield, so Sundays became a work day again, and I couldn't possibly go to church alone with 3 kids...So there went more time. All the way up until now!See how quickly that went by? That's how it felt to me too. Until a couple of weeks ago at least. I started feeling that nudge, you know that nudge, where it's just loud enough you can't really ignore it and when you do ignore it you feel like you're going against the grain? Yeah that one, well there it was reminding me of how much time had passed since I had let my Faith in. Since I had been with a church family. Since I had used my Faith for good. I started slowly opening my now, pretty much, sewn shut heart to the idea of getting back into what used to be such a strong foundation for me as a kid. That seems crazy right? I'm 25 years old and I can count on 2 hands the amount of times I've openly chosen to go to church since I've been out of my own.
So why now was God choosing to speak to me? Why now was I choosing to listen for the first time in a long time? That I can't answer, not yet at least. I know I will know why before long, but for now it's only about doing without questioning it. But maybe it's the adult in me, or maybe it's the fact that these kids we're raising are going to be looking up to us to make all of the right choices to help lead and guide them in this crazy world. But I knew I needed to go, and if for just one Sunday I went and could listen better. Then if I was wrong, I wouldn't have to go again, and if I was right, well then, I could open my eyes, ears and heart.So where was I going to go to Church? That part was easy for me actually. This town has an overwhelming number of churches, which if you're just starting out can make you nervous. But this time was different, I already have my kids involved in a Mother's Day Out program through a local church, Mosaic Church of Abilene. Why not try it? At least I knew some of the people, and at least I knew my kids would be comfortable in the kids programs. Andy had to work this Sunday, so there it was, I had a solid plan. It seemed doable at this point, and it seemed right. My nerves almost overtook me several times. But the calling was so strong that this time that I actually listened and went through with it.
I got the kids ready, put on a dress, and grabbed my husbands bible and headed out. The smile on my face was genuine, and I could see that in my reflection. The next few hours I didn't even feel like myself. But oh, it felt good! It felt good to believe in something larger than all of this. The kids were so excited, which made me excited, and knowing several of the ladies from the MDO program really helped me feel at ease! It wasn't even 3 words into the worship music and I had tears running down both cheeks. The sermon was clear, and exactly what I needed to hear. I could feel my heart being pulled in a direction that was so obvious to me, and I could feel my stubborn self softening, and that made my heart so happy.So as I walk through this new journey of "Finding my Faith" all over again, I'm going into it with my heart open, my eyes where they need to be, and my hands ready to work! There's testimony after testimony that tell me this has happened to many others, but has it happened to you? Have you ever lost and then found your Faith again? Any personal stories you'd like to share for encouragement along the way? Let me know! And as always, thanks for reading! 😀
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