When You Feel Stuck
I wanted to write this post today because this past week I've been battling myself non-stop. It's been a mental battle, a physical battle, and an emotional battle. As I sat here this afternoon meditating in the quiet (Jonas's nap time is our family designated quiet activity time, do what you please, but do it quietly!) I felt a wave of comfort wash over me. I personally believe that every single thing we go through in this life, whether it's large or small, is meant to give us the tools and reference we need to help somebody else through something similar at some point. This has proved true again and again in my life. So today, I'm going to share my feelings from this past week and hope that maybe somebody, even if its just one single person, needs to hear it!
After my last blog post to you guys last Sunday, life happened! Nothing abnormal, nothing dramatic, just every day life, happening EVERY day. All of our new schedules keep us SO much more occupied, apart, and tired. This is normal, right? That's just life, you say. Sure is! But it's still allowed to be an adjustment. For over 4 years as a family and as an individual, we didn't have these worries or struggles, this is new! And that's okay, too! But somewhere in the middle of trying to balance my school load, my kids' school schedule, my husband's work schedule, and between it all keeping a clean house and laundry, and putting meals on the table 3 times a day, I lose myself occasionally.
I lose my time, I lose my patience, I lose my strength. I miss my family when I'm away from the house, I miss my husband when he's at work. But through it all, through every single thing I'm doing I KNOW that it's all "just life". What I'm learning (slowly) is how to best deal with that in the most healthy ways. I've always battled some form of depression. I never knew that was the case until after I gave birth to Jonas and the Post-Partum depression was forcing me to choose whether I wanted to admit I had a problem and get help or lose my self long term. I got help. And every single day I'm grateful that I was willing and able to seek help, to protect not only myself, but my family.
Through those roughest days of my adult life, I learned to seek help, to ask for help, and to listen to yourself. This week I've fallen back into a place where my brain starts to play tricks on me. And all it took was my stress load to get high, time spent away from loved ones, and a few social obligations. Perfect recipe for disaster! So at this point you may be thinking, okay, but what? What is there for us to get from this? We ALL feel stressed, we ALL feel overwhelmed and alone, heck we ALL have obligations we worry about fulfilling! Exactly my point.
Somewhere along the lines of Wednesday when I'd finished all 3 of my in person classes for the week, and when I had a to do list miles long, and when I knew we were loading up to go to the local Fair that night with the kids, it started to hit me. I started slowing down. I could feel it happen physically in my body. As a wife and mom of 4 kids, 3 of whom are toddlers, I have to be a motivated person. Somebody is always needing Mom. And while you may want/need a mental vacation, life has a different idea. It's actually when you realize that life kicks it up a gear, like adds a toddler sleep regression right in the middle of it, or a visit to the ER with your 21 month old, or some small financial obstacles. When life piles it on, my body shuts down. I have to look for the energy to literally get out of bed, or get me and the kids dressed. When I'm already mental tired, the physical tired does NOT help, obviously.
When my list gets multiple important to-do's on it, I get weighed down easily. Now it's not just a matter of picking one and doing it, but it's managing them to make sure the most important one gets done first, and accurately because myself likes to be a perfectionist. How ridiculous does this sound to you? When you have a list with 6 things on it, do you just pick one and go? When it's done you just move on to the next? I hope so, but I know that's easier said than done, for me at least!
So when I found myself laying in bed during the day on Thursday, Jonas was napping, Destiny was at school, and Ben was snacking and playing his Kindle. And I had homework like crazy, a messy house, and schedule juggling to occur. I quit. I checked out completely. Instead of doing anything that needed done, I headed to bed. Shut the curtains and my eyes. And cried. And in those tears, I prayed. I prayed to God that he would awaken my spirit, that it would be Sunday already so I could go to church again, just prayed for the strength to make it through the rest of my day. Still in the dark, I loaded the boys up and we headed to get Destiny from school. It's then, when I turned on the van and the Sirius station The Message was still playing from my last trip that I cried some more. I felt Him moving and working through me, all because some Christian music was on.
That's when I felt it. I understood. The whole week, up until that point, I had been "SO busy" and "prioritizing", and "doing" that I had completely neglected my relationship with God. I had chosen those worldly to-do's, over time with Him. And I had not even realized that was the case, until he completely stopped me in my tracks (or my bed in this case). Upon stopping, in the quiet I heard Him. Surrounded by His music it all clicked. Yes, yes of course this world is hard. But, without His help, it's almost impossible! Realizing how by not leaning on him, and by carrying ALL of the weight on my shoulders had shoved me down so quickly. I quickly realized my mistake, and picked back up where I had left off in my journey with Him. And instantly, I felt the most refreshed I had. I prayed again and again that day, and the next, and today too. I felt His strength help me, I started knocking stuff of every list I had. I was going full speed again, and clarity was inevitable.
My prayer for you is that when you feel stuck, you find your quiet place, you pray to Him, and you find strength, not on your own, but through Him. We're only a small piece of the puzzle, and there's no reason for us to do this all alone, and you don't have to! I hope that my struggles can help you in your own journey, and I also hope you all have a good rest of your weekend! I'll talk to you all soon!
After my last blog post to you guys last Sunday, life happened! Nothing abnormal, nothing dramatic, just every day life, happening EVERY day. All of our new schedules keep us SO much more occupied, apart, and tired. This is normal, right? That's just life, you say. Sure is! But it's still allowed to be an adjustment. For over 4 years as a family and as an individual, we didn't have these worries or struggles, this is new! And that's okay, too! But somewhere in the middle of trying to balance my school load, my kids' school schedule, my husband's work schedule, and between it all keeping a clean house and laundry, and putting meals on the table 3 times a day, I lose myself occasionally.
I lose my time, I lose my patience, I lose my strength. I miss my family when I'm away from the house, I miss my husband when he's at work. But through it all, through every single thing I'm doing I KNOW that it's all "just life". What I'm learning (slowly) is how to best deal with that in the most healthy ways. I've always battled some form of depression. I never knew that was the case until after I gave birth to Jonas and the Post-Partum depression was forcing me to choose whether I wanted to admit I had a problem and get help or lose my self long term. I got help. And every single day I'm grateful that I was willing and able to seek help, to protect not only myself, but my family.
Through those roughest days of my adult life, I learned to seek help, to ask for help, and to listen to yourself. This week I've fallen back into a place where my brain starts to play tricks on me. And all it took was my stress load to get high, time spent away from loved ones, and a few social obligations. Perfect recipe for disaster! So at this point you may be thinking, okay, but what? What is there for us to get from this? We ALL feel stressed, we ALL feel overwhelmed and alone, heck we ALL have obligations we worry about fulfilling! Exactly my point.
Somewhere along the lines of Wednesday when I'd finished all 3 of my in person classes for the week, and when I had a to do list miles long, and when I knew we were loading up to go to the local Fair that night with the kids, it started to hit me. I started slowing down. I could feel it happen physically in my body. As a wife and mom of 4 kids, 3 of whom are toddlers, I have to be a motivated person. Somebody is always needing Mom. And while you may want/need a mental vacation, life has a different idea. It's actually when you realize that life kicks it up a gear, like adds a toddler sleep regression right in the middle of it, or a visit to the ER with your 21 month old, or some small financial obstacles. When life piles it on, my body shuts down. I have to look for the energy to literally get out of bed, or get me and the kids dressed. When I'm already mental tired, the physical tired does NOT help, obviously.
When my list gets multiple important to-do's on it, I get weighed down easily. Now it's not just a matter of picking one and doing it, but it's managing them to make sure the most important one gets done first, and accurately because myself likes to be a perfectionist. How ridiculous does this sound to you? When you have a list with 6 things on it, do you just pick one and go? When it's done you just move on to the next? I hope so, but I know that's easier said than done, for me at least!
So when I found myself laying in bed during the day on Thursday, Jonas was napping, Destiny was at school, and Ben was snacking and playing his Kindle. And I had homework like crazy, a messy house, and schedule juggling to occur. I quit. I checked out completely. Instead of doing anything that needed done, I headed to bed. Shut the curtains and my eyes. And cried. And in those tears, I prayed. I prayed to God that he would awaken my spirit, that it would be Sunday already so I could go to church again, just prayed for the strength to make it through the rest of my day. Still in the dark, I loaded the boys up and we headed to get Destiny from school. It's then, when I turned on the van and the Sirius station The Message was still playing from my last trip that I cried some more. I felt Him moving and working through me, all because some Christian music was on.
That's when I felt it. I understood. The whole week, up until that point, I had been "SO busy" and "prioritizing", and "doing" that I had completely neglected my relationship with God. I had chosen those worldly to-do's, over time with Him. And I had not even realized that was the case, until he completely stopped me in my tracks (or my bed in this case). Upon stopping, in the quiet I heard Him. Surrounded by His music it all clicked. Yes, yes of course this world is hard. But, without His help, it's almost impossible! Realizing how by not leaning on him, and by carrying ALL of the weight on my shoulders had shoved me down so quickly. I quickly realized my mistake, and picked back up where I had left off in my journey with Him. And instantly, I felt the most refreshed I had. I prayed again and again that day, and the next, and today too. I felt His strength help me, I started knocking stuff of every list I had. I was going full speed again, and clarity was inevitable.
My prayer for you is that when you feel stuck, you find your quiet place, you pray to Him, and you find strength, not on your own, but through Him. We're only a small piece of the puzzle, and there's no reason for us to do this all alone, and you don't have to! I hope that my struggles can help you in your own journey, and I also hope you all have a good rest of your weekend! I'll talk to you all soon!
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