Blessed Mama
Hey guys! Well it's been over a month since I last wrote, and like I say every time, a lot has changed since then! Today is the perfect cloudy/rainy weather to write in, and I wanted to take some time to share yet another update with you all.
A little over a month ago I started working outside of the home for the first time in over 4 years. I found a job as a Medical Receptionist and I absolutely loved it. Notice I said loved it and not love it. One week ago today I quit working. It was not the job I didn't love, that was a perfect fit for me and my personality. It was being outside of my home and away from my babies for 40 hours a week that was not worth it for our family.
For over 4 years Andy has more than provided us with a cushioned life while I was at a stay at home mom for all 4 of our kids. This fit everyone well, he was happy with me taking care of our kids and home, the kids were happy to have mom 24/7, and I was the only one who seemed strained at the decision. Because of the way our family got put together so quickly and non traditionally (I gained a step son and we chose to raise our niece all before I ever birthed my first baby). That putting so many little ones in full time daycare so that I could work was literally never an option for us. But reflecting back over everything setting here today, that was the problem. It was more or less "my only option". And me, being the hardheaded person I am, did not want to take that for an answer. So a couple of months ago, everything came to a head, and I set my mind to getting a job and seeing how the other half lived and you know the rest.
Up until last week. Why is it that we as humans can not simply listen to others advice, we have to go find out for ourselves. Well let's just say that's what happened. A solid month of me working 40 hours a week, and obligation after obligation with kids, their school, holidays, etc made me question what I was doing. My kids were constantly asking where I was or what I was doing and why I could not be there to pick them up or take them to school. On top of having my full college load, there was entire days where I missed seeing their beautiful faces at all. And I know, manyyyy of you do this on a daily basis, because it's what you're family has to do to survive. And for that, I more than applaud you, I respect your decisions to take care of your families in all ways necessary. But for our individual family, me working was a complete choice. It was unnecessary in any way. It was simply for my peace of mind.
It did not even take the full month of missing out to realize quickly that my priorities were wrong. As a mother, as a wife, and as a woman, I had become selfish. And instead of that being a good thing (we all need the moments where we can be selfish/indulgent and it be okay) this had stressed each person in my family out, including me, in ways that weren't needed. I got sick of feeling like my only job was being a stay at home mom, or that even though I'm working on a degree to gain a career that I was never going to be good enough for anything other than wiping boogers and playdates. But oh how wrong was I. Removing myself from my job as stay at home mom for that month allowed me to look into a window that I had never seen, the view from the outside in. And my heart hurt. I saw the most precious gifts from God, who were missing their mom who they had grown used to having around. I saw my amazing husband who already worked a full time job to support us having to do the things around the house and for the kids that I had done so effortlessly for the entirety of our marriage. And as a wife and mother, these things could not be unseen.
My heart became grateful. And overwhelmed. Thank goodness I've always been so blessed by overwhelming support of family and friends, because when the time came to discuss my next move, it was difficult. Here I was, so hard headed and strong that I made a decision to do this, and now here we are a month later, eating my words. But guys, my sweetest friend told me the best words...It's okay to change your mind! And so there you have it, I quit and instantly felt relief to be able to take my kids to school the next morning, and pick them up, and know that I could put them to bed that night.
The next morning after school drop off I was having a coffee date with my dear friend, and upon pouring my heart out to her I realized I wasn't alone when I told her that I regretted the way I had been the past few years of my kids lives. It upset me that I had been so resistant to being a stay at home mom that I had missed out on so many possible fun memories and moments with my babies because of my attitude. After realizing I wasn't alone, it made me think, this is probably way more common amognst moms than we think. I know personally, it took this entire experience to wake me up to how precious life really is. It adjusted my priorities in ways I never though possible and it made be obsessively grateful for what I have as a stay at home mom of 4.
We are entirely too hard on ourselves as mother's. This is the hardest job in the world no matter how it gets done, whether you work or stay home, or any other variation. But we have got to support one another in doing it. Without friends and faith, I wouldn't be where I am today and I encourage you to find your support system of friends and faith as well. I was shopping the day after I quit my job and found this shirt in the first store I went in..Blessed Mama. There are no truer words for me at the moment. I'm blessed to be their mother. I'm blessed to live each and every precious moment in this world. I'm blessed to have my amazing husband, Andy. And most importantly I'm blessed to be a child of God. Find your blessings Mama's and hold on to them before it's too late!
Thanks for reading and I'll be writing more periodically with me being back at home now!
-Stephanie
A little over a month ago I started working outside of the home for the first time in over 4 years. I found a job as a Medical Receptionist and I absolutely loved it. Notice I said loved it and not love it. One week ago today I quit working. It was not the job I didn't love, that was a perfect fit for me and my personality. It was being outside of my home and away from my babies for 40 hours a week that was not worth it for our family.
For over 4 years Andy has more than provided us with a cushioned life while I was at a stay at home mom for all 4 of our kids. This fit everyone well, he was happy with me taking care of our kids and home, the kids were happy to have mom 24/7, and I was the only one who seemed strained at the decision. Because of the way our family got put together so quickly and non traditionally (I gained a step son and we chose to raise our niece all before I ever birthed my first baby). That putting so many little ones in full time daycare so that I could work was literally never an option for us. But reflecting back over everything setting here today, that was the problem. It was more or less "my only option". And me, being the hardheaded person I am, did not want to take that for an answer. So a couple of months ago, everything came to a head, and I set my mind to getting a job and seeing how the other half lived and you know the rest.
It did not even take the full month of missing out to realize quickly that my priorities were wrong. As a mother, as a wife, and as a woman, I had become selfish. And instead of that being a good thing (we all need the moments where we can be selfish/indulgent and it be okay) this had stressed each person in my family out, including me, in ways that weren't needed. I got sick of feeling like my only job was being a stay at home mom, or that even though I'm working on a degree to gain a career that I was never going to be good enough for anything other than wiping boogers and playdates. But oh how wrong was I. Removing myself from my job as stay at home mom for that month allowed me to look into a window that I had never seen, the view from the outside in. And my heart hurt. I saw the most precious gifts from God, who were missing their mom who they had grown used to having around. I saw my amazing husband who already worked a full time job to support us having to do the things around the house and for the kids that I had done so effortlessly for the entirety of our marriage. And as a wife and mother, these things could not be unseen.
My heart became grateful. And overwhelmed. Thank goodness I've always been so blessed by overwhelming support of family and friends, because when the time came to discuss my next move, it was difficult. Here I was, so hard headed and strong that I made a decision to do this, and now here we are a month later, eating my words. But guys, my sweetest friend told me the best words...It's okay to change your mind! And so there you have it, I quit and instantly felt relief to be able to take my kids to school the next morning, and pick them up, and know that I could put them to bed that night.
The next morning after school drop off I was having a coffee date with my dear friend, and upon pouring my heart out to her I realized I wasn't alone when I told her that I regretted the way I had been the past few years of my kids lives. It upset me that I had been so resistant to being a stay at home mom that I had missed out on so many possible fun memories and moments with my babies because of my attitude. After realizing I wasn't alone, it made me think, this is probably way more common amognst moms than we think. I know personally, it took this entire experience to wake me up to how precious life really is. It adjusted my priorities in ways I never though possible and it made be obsessively grateful for what I have as a stay at home mom of 4.We are entirely too hard on ourselves as mother's. This is the hardest job in the world no matter how it gets done, whether you work or stay home, or any other variation. But we have got to support one another in doing it. Without friends and faith, I wouldn't be where I am today and I encourage you to find your support system of friends and faith as well. I was shopping the day after I quit my job and found this shirt in the first store I went in..Blessed Mama. There are no truer words for me at the moment. I'm blessed to be their mother. I'm blessed to live each and every precious moment in this world. I'm blessed to have my amazing husband, Andy. And most importantly I'm blessed to be a child of God. Find your blessings Mama's and hold on to them before it's too late!
Thanks for reading and I'll be writing more periodically with me being back at home now!
-Stephanie
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