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Hi there! It's been too long. I've wanted to get back on and write. I miss it. I've wanted to share anything and everything again. Maybe in some weird way this COVID-19 pandemic the whole world has been going through has helped me. It's helped me see what is really important, what I want the most, and what doesn't matter one bit at the end of the day. I've become more grateful for the small things, for all the things honestly.
It seemed like news updates would come in so fast and hysteria would erupt more and more. I spent the first several weeks of it all trying to stay on top of it. Keeping up with the news became too much. I was home 24/7 with my kids, my husband was the only one leaving the house for work and grocery store trips. I was doing their school work online full time and my college classes were still online full time, too. At some point, I realized that what was going on everywhere else in the whole world was something I couldn't control. And no amount of reading news articles or watching press briefings was good for me. So I quit. I started being less anxious. I'd spend my time focusing on my kids, on what's for dinner, or planning upcoming quarantine activities. It was like a switch. I wasn't worried anymore, at least not for things that were out of my control. I was still worried about protecting our highly asthmatic daughter from catching this deadly virus. I was still worried every time my husband left to go to his job that was providing for our family. I was still worried about who this was affecting around us. But peace washed over me, amidst a global pandemic.
My kids noticed my change, my husband noticed my change, we even went out on a limb and adopted a puppy (more about Cosmo another time!). I didn't stick my head in the sand, I was completely aware of how serious, deadly, and scary this pandemic was for everyone. But all I could do for my family was BE. I could be present, I could be happy, I could be positive. So we did just that, and it went from barely making it through the days, to LOVING our newly found time together as a family. It's pretty amazing what a new mindset can do for you. I was thankful for the extra time we had with my husband at home. I was grateful for the chance to catch up on everything we've wanted to get done around the house. I was grateful to see my kids have ample time to play with one another, from sun up to sun down.
The news of schools remaining shut down until next school year hit me hard. My husband soon resumed his normal work schedule. And I was left taking finals and preparing myself for my Summer classes that would soon start. And then Mother's Day hit and it all washed over me again, that peace. This. This was what was important. My family. My kids. My spouse. My puppy. My sweet husband had family pictures made for me the week before Mother's Day and I've never been more grateful to dress up and go stand in a field with my people. It was the weekend after the stay at home orders had been lifted and photographers were able to work again. It was a glorious moment to have all my babies together, happy, healthy and smiling for pictures the would soon hang on my wall.
We were all so excited in our house when Spring Break finally hit the second week of March. Thank goodness, a break from school, a break from my pre-k job, even my husband took vacation time from his job! We were all so grateful for a much needed time to have fun and not have any stress. Until we got the news the Friday before school was supposed to start back, that with the risks of the Coronavirus, school wasn't going to resume right away. Keep them home a while longer. Sure, no problem. Until a week later, when returning for the rest of the school year was starting to seem like it might not happen. When the kids virtual learning started to kick off, when my job wasn't reopening, but my husband was back at work with modified schedules. It was all so serious so fast. You couldn't find toilet paper, or lysol wipes, or hand sanitizer. Nationwide.
It seemed like news updates would come in so fast and hysteria would erupt more and more. I spent the first several weeks of it all trying to stay on top of it. Keeping up with the news became too much. I was home 24/7 with my kids, my husband was the only one leaving the house for work and grocery store trips. I was doing their school work online full time and my college classes were still online full time, too. At some point, I realized that what was going on everywhere else in the whole world was something I couldn't control. And no amount of reading news articles or watching press briefings was good for me. So I quit. I started being less anxious. I'd spend my time focusing on my kids, on what's for dinner, or planning upcoming quarantine activities. It was like a switch. I wasn't worried anymore, at least not for things that were out of my control. I was still worried about protecting our highly asthmatic daughter from catching this deadly virus. I was still worried every time my husband left to go to his job that was providing for our family. I was still worried about who this was affecting around us. But peace washed over me, amidst a global pandemic. 
My kids noticed my change, my husband noticed my change, we even went out on a limb and adopted a puppy (more about Cosmo another time!). I didn't stick my head in the sand, I was completely aware of how serious, deadly, and scary this pandemic was for everyone. But all I could do for my family was BE. I could be present, I could be happy, I could be positive. So we did just that, and it went from barely making it through the days, to LOVING our newly found time together as a family. It's pretty amazing what a new mindset can do for you. I was thankful for the extra time we had with my husband at home. I was grateful for the chance to catch up on everything we've wanted to get done around the house. I was grateful to see my kids have ample time to play with one another, from sun up to sun down. 
The news of schools remaining shut down until next school year hit me hard. My husband soon resumed his normal work schedule. And I was left taking finals and preparing myself for my Summer classes that would soon start. And then Mother's Day hit and it all washed over me again, that peace. This. This was what was important. My family. My kids. My spouse. My puppy. My sweet husband had family pictures made for me the week before Mother's Day and I've never been more grateful to dress up and go stand in a field with my people. It was the weekend after the stay at home orders had been lifted and photographers were able to work again. It was a glorious moment to have all my babies together, happy, healthy and smiling for pictures the would soon hang on my wall.
Don't get me wrong, I've always loved my family. But something about going through a global pandemic and history in the making with them really made me feel, at peace. I'm not even sure I'm explaining it right, or that any of it makes sense. But for me, everything makes sense now. Maybe I just matured into the woman I always wanted to be. Or maybe I had more down time than I've ever had to sit with my thoughts. But we think we have things planned out, and then when something so big changes life completely as we know it, there's no better time to reassess your priorities, thoughts, and feelings. I'm so glad I did!
With love,
Stephanie
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